Something's Gotta Happen Or Something's Gotta Give

We didn't realize until something forced us that yes, Alistair does come from a universe where he did the dark sex ritual with Morrigan, and yes, there is a very important implication to that

It's entirely possible that Celeste is the original, or... an original, if that's a thing.

It also appears that Celeste is the one who got all of the memories/knowledge of HTML/CSS, for some reason. But she doesn't understand Java.

We seem to be, developing, away from being facets and towards being a Fully Fledged System™

WHICH IS UNFORTUNATE in some ways because it seems to mean that a) some of our skills are getting partitioned off to different system members, b) I, as Ray, am having trouble with like... not being in control? we all might be tbh. definitely we're switching a lot (me and celeste today, in particular). Which equals the body having a pretty big headache

It doesn't help that we don't really have a well-formed headspace? those who aren't the host go SOMEWHERE when they aren't around/fronting/conscious... don't they? its, very confusing, and a little bit stressful

We told Counselor Pam about being a system and she said she was glad she told us because it meant it could be discussed. Which is basically what we/I was talking about with Leli

But yeah we are learning more about ourselves and each other which in itself is a good sign bc it means (at least I think it means) we CAN get more stable eventually it'll just take time.

you know a while ago i saw a post on tumblr about some guy who wrote a paper about human psychology being designed with fear responses that are no longer evolutionarily necessary and like

ppl were rightfully criticizing him for coming off as a douchebag who was saying “there’s nothing in modern life for people to be afraid of” which would not surprise me

but also... there is a version of that idea which is valid? like. my brain definitely has fear responses that are unnecessary and counterproductive. my brain is designed to avoid things that make it feel scared or stressed. originally that very helpfully meant “don’t eat that poisonous plant” or “don’t go in that cave where bears are”. In my actual life it usually translates to “don’t do your homework ever even if it makes you fail the class” which is much, much less helpful

because my brain was not designed for tests or homework or bills or taxes or jobs or any of this modern nonsense it was designed to not get eaten and it seems to be having trouble with the rest of the stuff

Well apparently Alistair shifted in just long enough to feel REALLY UPSET about almost becoming a templar and then shifted back out

(this terminology still feels so awkward ugh but it's what we've got)

I think the gist of it is, "I was a templar trainee for ~10 years and never got weeded out as disloyal or disobedient, and would literally have ended up becoming a templar despite it being the worst thing I could imagine had duncan not come along, because it literally just did not occur to me to rebel against this thing that i found deeply unpleasant"

and like

yes we do have a deep-seated fear of hurting ourself or others because it literally doesn't occur to us to disobey things sometimes why do you ask :)